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The following text goes in English. If you’d like to read it in portuguese, I’m sure Google may translate it.

O texto a seguir está escrito em inglês. Se você quiser lê-lo em português, tenho certeza que o Google pode traduzir.

It’s weird. Really weird. The way we lose some things. Sudenly we just lost something. Sudenly something is taken from us. Sudenly, somebody takes away our smile. Somebody takes away our reasons to smile. And then. And then, maybe we don’t notice it. Maybe we take some time to notice that something is missing.

Actually, sometimes we’re busy. Too busy. Busy enough that we not even noticed that there was something missing. Something was stolen. And that this “something” is something really important. “Important” is a weak word to describe it. I guess there are not a word to describe it as well as I’d like to. But in this case, I’ll use “the most important”. What’s the most important thing to you?

Each person has an answer for it. What do I think? Well, in my opinion, the right answer is the following: the most important thing is a feeling. More than a feeling, a sensation, an emotion. What of them? I’d like to believe it’s the love. Maybe the friendship, but actually I don’t know.

This is the point. I don’t know exactly what’s the most important thing I have, but I’m sure it was taken. It was taken a few months ago, but just now I noticed it. It was taken. That. The most important thing I have. The reason of my happiness. And at this moment I’m trying to understand how it was gone, and trying to discover how to get it back.

Now, there is only a hole. There’s a hole in my soul. Through this hole, my joy goes away from me. And it left pain. Pain is the result. When you’ve lost the thing you consider the most important, then you feel pain. It’s like something had gone away and will never come back. This is the part that I feel the fear. There is the pain, and now there is the fear too. It’s almost like the apocalypse.

And it was only because somebody disappeared. This person who was one of my best friends. Have you ever felt like everybody could die, the world could simply collapse that it wouldn’t be any matter if you could keep my friends safe? Well, that’s the way I feel. For me, anybody is important, only those people who proved it to me, and these ones are the ones I use to call friends. There are more than friendship between us, there’s love.

And one of this people simply disappeared. “How?!” I asked myself a thousand times. “Why?!” I wondered. And now, I’m here. Under this pain and this fear. The pain, ’cause it’s painful to miss somebody like this one. The fear, ’cause it’s fearful imagine that somebody is gone simply and I’ll never again talk to her. And yes, the person I lost is a “she”.

One of the most amazing girls I’ve ever met, and the one I’ll never meet alive, ’cause we only talked to each other through internet. So, is this it?! She disappeared and I’m fated to never talk to her again? The life is unfair. The life is painful. The life is fearful. The life is a spirit state that I’d like to skip. Now, at this very moment, I’d like to don’t live anymore, ’cause for me, life is meaningless now.

While this text was writen, I was listening to  Radiohead. This may mean something to you if you know me or if you know Radiohead.